Starbucks Adventures 2: This time, it's SHINIER!
by Shadow Commando
Summary: Continuation of Starbucks as it was originally planned; WITHOUT Marcus' interference. Unfortunately, that means Tricky is back! D:
1. Spirit Away

**And here we are! Starbucks Adventures WITHOUT Marcus, as it was originally planned, for those of you who prefer it that way. Starts at the end of chapter 10 from Part 1:**

Fox went through a dungeon full of booby traps that were so easy he didn't even notice them (and therefore, won't be mentioned again), and finally entered a large room with a floating purple head in the middle of it. Tricky was awed by the spectacle.

"Wow mister, who are you?" he asked.

"I am the head of common mockery. I will grant you three wishes," boomed the Krazoa.

"Whoa! Is that true? Are you really gonna grant me three wishes? :D" asked Tricky, excitedly.

"No," replied the spirit, "my real purpose here is to FIRE MAH LASER! BWAAAAAAAHHH!"

(...)

Fox could not believe his eyes. This spirit thing he was supposed to find had just vaporized Tricky. He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the pressure in his head lighten substantially, making his migraine disappear.

"Climb inside before he comes back!" ordered Fox.

The spirit shot forward and knocked Fox back. The vulpine thought he was about to fall on his ass, but was relieved when he gently floated to the floor.

"Now that Trickster is gone, I can get some peace and quiet," Fox said to himself as he turned around to leave.

"Yup, now it's just you and me, :B" said the spirit inside Fox's head.

"Oh hell no! DX" shouted Fox.

He ran back down Moon Mountain Pass as fast as he could, the entire time arguing with the voice in his head.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"NO! DX"

Fox finally reached the Hollow and ran over to the warp stone, only to discover a smoking crater.

"Holy Bumblebees on a body board! Where'd the warp stone go? D:" shouted Fox.

His hologram floated up beside him and an image of of Slippy appeared.

"He's dead, Fox. You had me blow him up in chapter 4 for being retarded. Remember?"

The fiery vulpine scratched his head upon hearing this.

"I do now, but for a moment I could have sworn it slipped my mind."

"Odd," replied Slippy, "Well anywho, just hold still and I'll have you to Krazoa Palace in no time."

"You can't defy this fiction's summary, it says you're useless! :O" snapped Fox.

"Would you rather I let Rob handle it?" asked the frog.

Fox thought about it for a moment and decided that getting rick rolled again wasn't worth the risk.

"Alright, juice me!" he said, standing straight.

A beam of light shot down and zapped Fox, sending him through the fairy universe again before he appeared on a metal platform connected to a huge ass palace suspended over nothing in the middle of a heavy rainstorm. Fox looked over the edge and only saw more rainclouds. There didn't even seem to be anything underneath the palace itself, only rainclouds, which pretty much left the palace suspended in the endless storm over nothing.

"And whose brilliant idea was this part of the game?" asked Fox in frustration.

Recieving no response- much to his relief- Fox ran toward the entrance of the palace. Inside the first room were a few Sharpclaw that were so easy that they won't be mentioned again. In the next room was utter blackness, so Fox reached for the firefly lantern in his pack, only to discover it wasn't there.

"Dammit, shoulda bought it back at the Hollow," thought Fawx out loud.

"I could warp you back there right now so you can get it, :D" offered Slippy.

"OR you could warp me a flashlight so that I won't need the damn lantern!" shot back Fox, "Logic, people!"

"Fine," sighed Slippy, pressing a button.

A small pink flashlight with strawberries painted on it materialized onto Fox's armor vest. Reaching for it, Fox discovered he could almost hide it in one fist.

"Slippy...this is bite size...I WANT A FUCKING WHOPPER!" boomed the furry Merc, tossing the girly light stick outside the palace, and over the ledge.

"Have it your way," replied Slip, pressing another button.

Fox suddenly felt enormous weight pressing against his back and fell forward before he could adjust himself. Rolling onto his side, he unstrapped what looked like a bazooka with a camera lens on the end of it. On the side it was marked _Active Denial System._

He aimed the device into the dark room and flipped a switch and a bright beam shot out of the lens, cutting through the temple's darkness like a knife. The blocked off door was illuminated by the bright beam, then it began to glow bright orange, gradually fading to charred black before disintegrating into a pile of ashes.

"Now THAT is a flashlight! 8D" grinned Fox.

He continued through the temple. After doing a complicated ballet move past the moving wall torches, then vaporized the second door, only to find himself in another blocked off room, with a floating shield bot, to boot!

Nothing the WHOPPER FLASHLIGHT can't handle! :B

"BOOM! DENIED!" whooped Fox as the shielded cannonbot crashed and burned under the heat of the ADS.

He turned the Whopper Flashlight to the big door blocking him for the third time since he'd entered the palace and switched on the ADS again, and it shone brightly, as did the door, but unlike the first two, this door remained standing. Fox tried a second time, with the same result, and would have gone for a third try, but the cannon was nearly overheated.

Fox tried to contact Slippy on his com, but the palace walls seemed to be interfering, so the vulpine did the next best thing he could think of to open the door: he hit it repeatedly with his giant flashlight.

(_CLANK!CLANK!CLANK!CLANK!CLANK!_)

Then, to Fox's surprise, he heard a response from the other side: "Who is it?"

"UPS!" he replied sarcastically.

The sharpclaw on the other side, who had to take the GED test 50 times to pass, pressed the magic button and the big ass door slid apart to reveal the barrell of a Desert Eagle point right at his noise.

A loud bang and a bright flash later, the reptilian's brain matter decorated the palace walls, making them even shinier than before. :D

His compatriot soon joined him.

"Not bad!" beamed Fox, "One obstacle down...8,999 to go. :("

He stepped lightly over the bodies and noticed a sparkly, glowing circle on a pedestal, similar to the one he used to find the Krazoa Spirit, but instead of warping him somewhere, a green troll face with a red X running through it appeared above the sparkly, spinning. Fox decided that meant this warper was currently inactive, so he went over to another pedestal near the wall, this one brown with a six pointed thingamajig painted on it. He stood on top of the brown thingamajig and was raised several feet to a tunnel carved in the wall. The tunnel was octagon shaped and was lit by an overhead light, giving it a sci-fi edge.

"Where have I seen this tunnel before?" pondered Fox.

Then a bunch of stormtroopers jumped out from behind the corner and unloaded their blasters at Fox.

"Now I remember!" said Fox, as laser bolts flew past him (these are stormtroopers we're talking about, they couldn't hit a barn if they were inside one).

After killing the stormtroopers by poking them, Fox continued down the tunnel and took a left, where he found himself in a room full of wind turbines.

"And here I thought these reptiles were still living in the stone age," Fox thought out loud as he gazed upon the 1st- and only- wonder of Planet Sauria: actual technology!

Then a swishing noise caught the Vulpine's attention, and he turned around to see a floating jellyfish waving its tentacles around as it spun.

"You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record, baby, right round, round, rou-"

"Oh hell no! I seen enough hentai to know where THIS is going!" protested Fox as he turned and ran toward the wind funnel, which shot him up into the air, away from the ghostly horror.

He landed safe and sound on the platform above, sighing with relief as he rested his hands on his knees.

"Okey dokey artichoke!" chanted several voices in front of him.

Fox looked up to see half a dozen more jellyfish spirits looking down at him.

(One gay tentacle scene later...)

Fox flew up out of the wind tunnel leading to the roof, and landed beside the hole he just shot up out of.

(_SPLAT!_)

After catching his breath, Fox pushed against the marble floor to force himself upright. It took great effort, now that he was weakened, as evidenced by his life bar, which was down to a single hit point.

"That's...the last...time...I watch tentacle pr0n," gasped Fox as he climbed to his feet and walked up to the altar, upon which set the biggest diamond Fox had ever seen.

However, it was what was inside the crystal that caught Fox's attention. It looked like a person, and as he got closer, his suspicions were confirmed. It was indeed a person, and a Lylation to top it off, but not just any Lylation, this creature was a blue furred goddess that matched the deep blue of the sky around her, making her appearance all the more divine, the creamy white fur on her frontside the only thing making her stand out, leaving Fox with only enough brain wattage to worship the vixen with the non-rhyming poetry running through his head:

_She has such a delicately beautiful face. And a body that can melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seem to say... "Hey! Look at these!" She's the kind of woman who makes you want to drop to your knees and thank God you're a man...she reminds me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it._

"Fox! Snap out of it! You're staring at her like she was your mother, for God's sake!" bellowed Peppy's hologram as it popped up out of nowhere, "Now release the spirit and get out of there!"

"Okay! Okay, I'm going," replied Fox awkwardly, before turning around once more to look at the vixen encased in her namesake as sourceless jazz music surrounded the two.

He didn't know who she was, but simply gazing upon her had him completely lovestruck. In only a minute's time, she had him hooked, and he hoped against hope that she'd feel something similar for him, knowing full well that wasn't likely since they had never met. They were like two hummingbirds...who had also never met.

Bad analogies aside, Fox ran around the rooftop trying to figure out where he was supposed to release the ghost in him, until he stumbled upon a metallic trollface sticking out of the wall, surrounded by silvery liquid that defied gravity. Figuring this might be the spot, Fox got down on his knees and immediately felt a change within himself. He collapsed onto his hands as he felt a powerful force stretching him from the inside, threatening to burst him like a water balloon. Fox would have screamed, but had lost the use of his voice from the excruciating pain shooting through him.

But just as he reached his limit, the spirit shot out of his backside flatulently, releasing the pressure on the vulpine's bowels.

Fox fell over and watched as the spirit (now a lolface) floated over to the metal rage face and planted itself inside, finally disappearing from his life.

"Thank Gawd that's over!" said Fox in relief as the statue opened its mouth.

"Good job, Fox," congratulated Peppy, "only four more spirits to go."

As Fox was sucked into the statue's mouth, the last thing heard from him was, "FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-"


	2. Tropic Dunder

**HAPPY THANKSGIVING! =D**

Fox found himself back in the hollow, or rather, above it, the warp function having been off by a few marks. The vulpine recognized the familiar setting, but wondered why it all looked so small.

...and then he began to fall.

The furry merc screamed in the girliest voice he could manage until he went splat in front of the Warpstone, his chin flat on the pavement while his heels dangled over his head as miniature arwings circled above it, chirping like birdies (one of them even insulting him in a voice eerily similar to Falco's).

Then the platform he'd landed on dropped down a few feet, and again, Fox tumbled downward, screaming, but landed on his butt, this time. Shaking his head to clear the stars from his vision, he slowly got to his feet.

**"RIGHT THAR, FUX!"** boomed a loud voice behind the vulpine, making him jump a good 20 feet into the air, before landing in the exact same pose as before (more chirping arwings).

The voice continued, **"Time fo yew tew head down to theh seaside!"**

This time, Fox looked behind himself to see the warpstone back in one piece, much to his chagrin (tho it was probably a good idea to keep it to himself).

**"Check the signposts for derections!"** continued the idol, finally finishing his "important" message.

Hoping the statue wasn't mad about being blown up earlier- and knowing he wouldn't have enough time to call in another orbital strike- Fox nervously said, "O-OK, big fella. Good to see you're doing your job...and helping out, and stuff."

The statue replied, **"Yew cheekay lee'al (BLEEP)er, HAW HAW HAW H(screen cracks)W...uh wheh wuz I? Oh yeah! I've been keepin this bag foh ya, ready foh when ya needed it."**

The warpstone dropped another bag similar to the one Fox recieved in the Snowhorn Wastes.

Fox picked it up to examine it.

"So what is it?" he asked.

**"This is the MEDIUM Arab Bag! It holds 100 of those flea bitten ragheads. Use it well!"** spoke the warpstone, seemingly eager to part with it.

Fox opened the bag slightly to peek inside, but nearly dropped it when a skeletal looking face with a turbin popped out, it's yellow eyes examining the vulpine holding its potato sack.

"Uhh, hi there," greeted Fox, nervously.

"Greetings..._infidel_," growled the skeleturbin.

"What kind of terrorist are you supposed to be?" asked Fox, having never conversed with a human skeleton before.

"I am a _terrifying_ terrorist," replied the skeleton, "are you scared?"

"Not really," shrugged Fox, having been swallowed by a giant ape head before, and still being alive to tell about it.

"RAR!" shouted the dead terrorist, raising his bony arms above his head, "...how bout now?"

"Nope, sorry," replied Fox.

"Goddammit!" growled the turbin'd skeleton.

His patience having run out, Fox shoved the dead mooslim back into the bag, saving him for when he'd actually be useful.

"Oh! I mean Allahdammit!" shouted Achmed as Fox tied the bag shut, before sticking it to his belt.

"Now onto Camelot!" declared Fox, pulling out two coconut halves and clapping them together as he bunny-hopped toward a magical forest filled with glowing staff gems, unseasonably orange leaves, and of course, sharpclaw.

(Spongebob Narrator: 60 seconds later)

The last Sharpclaw's head exploded as a 13mm bombshell passed through it. Fox loaded a fresh clip into his Casull Magnum- pulling the slide back with his teeth- then continued onward toward an odd looking idol in front of a metal gate. He was tempted to pick it up to see if a giant round stone didn't roll out of nowhere and chase him back to the hollow, but before he could test that theory, the thing literally spoke to him:

"PEH SEEXTY SCARUBS TO ENTAR CAPE CLAW!"

That was the first thing he'd come across that had been able to take his mind off of all the R-rated things he wanted to do to the blue vixen he'd seen earlier. Not so much the idol talking to him, since earlier he'd blown up a much bigger one that could also talk, but rather the ridiculous voice the thing spoke to him in.

"I didn't quite catch that, could you repeat it?" asked Fox, trying not to snicker.

"PEH SEEXTY SCARUBS TO ENTAR CAPE CLAW!" the statue repeated.

"You'll have to say it again, I'm a little hard of hearing after all that shooting," lied Fox, concealing his laughs.

Again, the idol replayed its ultimatum in its rather amusing voice/accent.

Then the orange vulpine noticed a small green button on the side of the idol marked 'A' and pressed it, making the idol automatically repeat itself without being asked to. Upon making this discovery, Fox wasn't sure if the small statue was alive or automated, but now that he'd discovered a way to make it talk automatically, he simply couldn't pass up the opportunity to abuse his newfound power:

"PEH SEEXTY SCARUBS TO- PEH SEEXTY SCARUBS TO ENTAR- PEH SEEXTY- PEH SEEXTY- PEH SEEXTY- PEH- PEH- PEH- PEH- PEH- PEH-"

Fox hadn't laughed that hard since he made a thorntail turn emo back in Starbucks 1. Having had his fun, and now in better spirits than before, he decided to comply with the idol's request...in his own special way.

"Very well, my good sir, have a scarab," snorted Fox, feeding it a frag grenade that was painted like a scarab (originally intended for the shopkeeper).

"(SCHLORP) Go on, in you-" (_**BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM**_-)

(Okay, moving on)

The gate was blown open by the explosion, so Fox skipped merrily into the maze of death that awaited him, but got lost and had to get directions from a pink striped cat that literally grinned from ear to ear and spoke in riddles. After finally figuring out that the cheshire cat was telling him to take a left, Fox made it out of the maze and fell down a well where he landed next to a ditzy looking blonde human in a blue dress, who'd also fallen down the well.

"It would be so nice if something made sense for a change," sighed Alice, sitting on her tuffet, eating kurds in her way.

"I'm an anthropomorphic mercenary armed with space age equipment, stopping a planet of talking dinosaurs from exploding because of a magic build-up," replied Fox plainly.

"I think I should understand that better, if I had it written down, but I can't quite follow it as you say it," said Alice, still cornfused.

"Care to tell me your story?" asked Fox, intrigued by this furless ape.

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning?" asked Alice, "I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"

Now Fox was getting worried, "Are you sure you're alright? You're talking kinda funny."

"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, because I'm not myself, you see," replied Alice.

"I think you need to go see a psychiatrist," suggested the vulpine.

Alice's face scowled over as she defiantly replied, "It was much pleasanter at home, when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits."

Fox raised an eyebrow and said, "I'm neither a mouse, nor a rabbit! Are you dumber than Britney Spears?"

Not even looking at Fox, Alice replied, "Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is - oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!"

"I don't have time for this," said Fox, "Shut up and stand aside or I'm going to stuff you in my holster and smother you!"

"Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin," whined Alice.

"HERE'S HOW!" shouted Fox, grabbing the blonde by the neck and making good on his threat...

Afterward, he climbed out of the well and found himself overlooking a tropical beach carved into a rocky canyon. Again, the seasons and climates were drastically different despite being mere feet apart, as the well connecting the autumn themed forest to this tropical resort wasn't that long to begin with.

Fox noticed a single Sharpclaw patrolling the path leading down to the beach and decided to take him out silently as he pulled out his staff and waited in the bushes as the green Barney reject strolled up the hill toward him, then he jumped out of hiding and bitch slapped him to death before continuing toward a waterfall that failed miserably to conceal a fire target that would require no real effort in shooting, in order to extend a bridge he could have easily jumped over.

"Why did they even bother putting that thing up in the first place?" asked Fox to no one in particular.

Slippy's hologram appeared.

"Obviously, it's to keep you from getting across! What are you stupid?" asked the frog.

I could just hop down into the water and swim around to the other side," replied Fox, sarcastically, "but on the other hand..."

He knelt forward and tilted the joystick toward the opposite cliff while simultaneously pressing the B button, which made him zoom across the tiny gap, zipping over to the other side.

Alarm overtook Slippy's features.

"Fox! This isn't Super Smash Bros! You can't use _Fox Illusion_ here!" Slippy practically screamed.

"I also couldn't use guns, but that didn't stop me, either," grinned TrollFox, brandishing his semi-auto Casull 454.

"I hate it when you out-think me!" shouted Slippy, switching off his hologram.

"Oh you poor little bitch," mocked Fox.

Then he turned around to see Tricky waiting for him.

"Hi, Fox! :B" greeted the doggy dino.

"GAH!" yelped the startled Vulpine, jumping back and falling over the cliff, by mistake.

(more chirping arwings)

After picking himself up- and stuffing Tricky into his holster, along WITH Alice- Fox looked around the beach for something to do, but only found dragon headed worms that came out of the sand to spit glowing loogies at him, forcing him to exhaust his staff shield extensively. Eventually, he decided to make a run for the yellow skinned Apatosaurus over at the docks, and threw Tricky at the loogy worms and ran for all he was worth until he reached the docks and scurried up the ramp, only to run into an all-to-familiar Sharpclaw.

"You pay me scarabs to pass!" grinned SantaClaw

Fox would have let Achmed out of his potato sack prison, but the resulting explosion likely would have destroyed the entire dock, leaving him at the mercy of the loogy worms, so he racked his mind for a way past the fat man, but he didn't have to search for very long, because his wandering eyes caught sight of something in the water down below the docks: a launching point for his staff. He could stick his staff into the small, glowing hole (tee hee) and use his staff's energy to blast himself up (tee hee), making the scarab scam...well, a scam. :P

Fox stuck his big schtick into the glittery hole and charged up the staff's energy required to launch himself, when Tricky, who was bleeding profusely from the loogy worms he'd barely escaped, ran up to Fox, leaped into the air, and glomped Fox's staff, like a dog grabbing its owner's leg, trying to stay as high above the ground as possible, so the loogies couldn't reach him.

He got more than he'd bargained for when the staff's energy passed through him, making him shoot into the sky like a rocket. Everyone sweatdropped as they watched Tricky disappear into the atmosphere screaming.

"He'll be back, eventually," reasoned Fox.

Everyone went back to their own business.

Fox tried again with the staff's rocket function, albeit with caution after the previous demonstration. He used only a fraction of the energy that sent Tricky to the moon, and was relieved when, after getting yanked into the air and flipped, he found himself squatting on the dock, now behind the SantaClaw, who was either too dumb or too lazy to notice, so the merc went to the front (or is it the back?) of the docks to see if the Apatosaurus could help him out.

"When I hud theh Shopcloh wuh cumming to kehp cloh, I hid oh'll mah precious gold beneath the sond," spoke the dinosaur in a labored, tired voice that suggested advanced age, "but mah mem'ry isn't whot it used to be, though, ond now I've fo'gotten where ah've buried them.

Both figures looked around when they heard a mild squealing that gradually got louder, until they noticed it coming from above, and looked up to see Tricky falling toward them, screaming. Fox stepped aside in time to avoid getting crushed by Tricky, who crashed through the wooden dock, and buried himself halfway in the sand below the water.

"With theh help of yo li'l friend, Tricky, yew should be able tew foynd them," continued the elderly dinosaur.

"You know Prince Tricky?" asked Fox, wondering how a low ranking individual like the Apatosaurus could recognize a royal figure and react so casually.

"Of course. Him foh'ling out of the skoy and demolishing a structcha like this dock is nothing unusual," said the large dino, "Don't think that yew're the fuh'st who has troy'd to kill him."

It seemed that Tricky's utter stupidity was a blight on all of Sauria. At least Fox knew he wasn't suffering alone, for all the good that did him.

"Retuhn all four gold bahz, ond ah wheel help yew on yo quest,"requested the Apatosaurus.

Fox turned to see Tricky now standing next to him.

"DAHAHAHAHAHAH!" cackled the Earthwalker, doing a happy dance (I don't know why, either).

"I swear, Tricky, if you were anymore gay, you would explode into confetti," said Fox, then turning his attention to the larger dino in front of him and asking, "How are you going to help us?"

The Apatosaurus replied, "whoy, boy stahmping the ground so hod thot the loddar ova thar fohlls down, alloweng yew tew cloym up eet ond open theh geht tew theh room filled with poison goss."

There were so many things wrong with that sort of logic that Fox didn't know where to begin, so he settled with, "I have plenty of tools at my disposal. I could just as easily melt or blow the gate open, so running around for gold just to get access to a switch is a bit redundant at this point."

"But ah've been sehvin foh so long," whined the Apatosuarus, "With thot much gold, ah would have mehd enough scarabs to retire before the Sharpclaw imprisoned meh! D:"

Now Fox felt bad for him. The old dino's mind was starting to go on him, leaving him little time with which to enjoy his fortune.

"How long have you been saving up?" asked Fox sympathetically.

"Since ah woz a li'l toyke," reminisced the apatosaurus, thinking back to his youth.

(9,001 years earlier...)

A younger, browner apatosaurus is strolling through a forest, accompanied by a yellow, tempermental triceratops, a green, mentally-challenged stegosaurus, a perky saurolophus who is a similar shade of green, and a purple t-rex hatchling. Circling above them is a bug-eyed pteranodon who is brown like his long-necked counterpart.

"I saw it around here, somewhere," explained Chomper, "can't quite remember where."

"You sure this rock really had an evil yellow eye?" asked Cera, nearly laughing.

"As evil and yellow as you," nodded Chomper.

Cera whirled around and said, "Why you little-"

"Not now, Cera!" protested Littlefoot, blocking the three-horn, "I swear you get confrontational over every little thing."

"I don't like fights. No, no, no," whined Ducky, her hands covering her drooping head.

"That's why I stay 'above' the fray," chuckled Petrie, still flying around.

"That was terrible!" shot back Littlefoot.

"Apples," said Spike, cross eyed.

"I believe I can FLY!" sang Petrie.

"Just show us where this yellow-eyed rock is, already!" shouted Cera.

Chomper glared at the triceratops, "Well if that's your attitude-"

"My dad's a (BLEEP!)ing three-horn! I can do whatever I want! Meh, meh, meh!" spat Cera.

"Yes, your bitchiness!" shot back Chomper.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-"

"You're so MEAN!" scolded Ducky.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-"

"AND bossy!" added Littlefoot.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-"

"There it is!" said Chomper, pointing excitedly.

The other five reptiles looked to where the hatchling rex pointed, and indeed, there was a shiny speck of deep yellow peeking out at them from an otherwise ordinary rock. Ducky hopped off of Spike and clambered up the mysterious rock, examining the "eye" with morbid curiosity, even touching it.

"I think it's some kind of 'fire rock,'" said Ducky, referencing shiny ores found near volcanoes (or "burning mountains," as they call them).

"How do we get it out?" asked Littlefoot.

"Leave that to me!" winked Cera, digging dirt with one of her front paws, then charging forward as fast as she could-

(Spongebob Narrator: 2 hours later)

Cera's eyes slowly opened to see her companions looking down at her.

"Whu...what happened? How hard did I hit that rock?" asked Cera, groggily.

"You didn't," said Ducky, "you tripped on an ice cube."

She'd kicked the tar out of herself, and she hadn't even touched the rock full of gold.

An evil grin made its way onto Littlefoot's face.

"I think I just found a new hobby," he chuckled, "collecting more of the fire rock that kicked Cera's ass, just as soon as we get it out of the ordinary rock."

"That was terrible!" shouted Cera, who realized her words had fallen on deaf ears when her friends began bowing down and making sacrifices to the shiny fire rock that effortlessly wiped the floor with her.

"Well screw you! I'ma start my own tribe of three-horns, and we'll call ourselves the _Earthwalkers_ cuz we'll walk all over the rest of y'all...and Petrie, stop pooping on me!"

(Present)

"So sheh left meh for some otha three-horn, and they stahted their own tribe togetha, while moy otha friends eventually went their own way, too, leavin meh oh'll boy moy lonesome, with nothing but more fiya rocks to collect and mold into bricks," said the High-top with sadness, "then ah found out how many scarabs each one is worth, so ah guess it wasn't a total waste of toym."

"So _you're_ the one Gramma Cera told me about! :O" said Tricky with amazement.

"Very well," said Fox, "I suppose it's for a good cause."

(5 minutes later)

"Run away!" screamed Fox, fleeing a Killer Rabbit that chased him out of the cave that he found the last bar in.

Stashing the gold away in the virtual space of his Pip-Boy, Fox dialed up a special grenade that had a cross painted on it, then selected it so that it materialzed on his belt. He then plucked it, pulled the pin, and dropped it as he kept on running.

His timing was perfect, as 'Fluffy' reached the Holy Frag Grenade just as it detonated, vaporizing the bunny, and a good chunk of Cape Claw. But the important thing was that Fox had the gold. He brought it to not-so-Littlefoot, who offered to bring down the ladder to the gate lever for him, but Fox declined, not wanting to possibly cause a cave-in to whatever structure hadn't been destroyed by the nuclear grenade he'd used, and instead used a plasma cutter to break open the gate leading to the room that had contained...something important.

Fox didn't know what, but the game was telling him to go inside and find out. He ran inside, but found nothing.

"Not impressed, Rare," said Fox, running back toward the exit, which inuexpectedly closed.

"Okay, THAT was unexpected."

Then green gas began to filter into the room.

_"UGH! Did somebody fart in here?"_ asked Fox, holding his nose.

Did his voice get lighter when he said that?

_"Is that my voice?"_ he squeaked, "(COUGH!) _is that MY voice?"_

Then he looked at the gasses filtering into the room, and horror struck him.

"_HELIUM!_ D8"

**What now? Will Fox get out of the helium room? Will Littlefoot be able to retire? Will Tricky get smarter? Will I stop asking all these stupid questions since I'm the one with all the answers? Find out next time on POWER RANG- oh wait! Wrong show. :B**

**Just wait for the next update! :P**


	3. Roadrunner Fortress

**I'm baaaaaaack! :D**

**Sea Captain: Are ya ready, kids?**

**Kids: Aye, aye, Captain!**

**Captain: I can't hear you!**

**Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!**

**Captain: I can't hear you!**

**Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!**

**Captain: I can't hear you!**

**Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!**

**Captain: ...(long pause)...I can't (BLEEP) hear you!**

******Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!**

(Screw it! Here's the next chaptar)

Poisonous helium poured into the room, making Fox's panicked voice more annoying by the second. Barely 5 seconds into this mess, and already he sounded like he was prepubescent again. Given how ridiculous his voice had gotten, it was, perhaps, divine mercy that Tricky hadn't gotten stuck in here with him.

"Holy shit, I'm trapped in a room filled with poisonous gas and no way out. I'm gonna go push these huge blocks around for no reason!" squeaked Fox, running up to four concrete blocks and sliding them around the room until they clicked into place, which made the helium go away.

"Wow, it worked!" said Fox in astonishment, "...wait, it worked?"

(Real World)

"It worked?!" blurted a Nintendo Programmer after spitting coffee all over his screen.

(Back to Fox)

The door to the room randomnly slid open, and Fox skipped outside like a crack addict to find the canary out of her cage.

Upon seeing the Queen of the Cloudrunners emerge, Tricky said, "WHOA!" and jumped 2,934 into the air.

"I take it you two know eachother," guessed Fox, raising an eyebrow.

The Cloudrunner Queen raised her nose, ever so dramatically, and bellowed, "He is an Earthwalker! I am a Cloudrunner! Our tribes do not see eye to eye."

Tricky landed face first in the sand, beside Fox.

"Mawt ageem!?" whined the Earthwalker Prince.

Not understanding his muffled dialect, the queen continued, "He's probably saying bad things about me, just like daddy three-horn."

"Who would be dastardly enough to lock you in thar? D:" asked Fox.

"Do you seriously not know that, by now?" asked the Cloudrunner Queen, incredulously.

"Sorry, my script requires me to say stupid things around females," apologized Fox, showing her his script, which was written with magic markers, and decorated with smiley faces (Fox thought he detected a faint trace of perfume on it, too), "so we need to teach that guy a lesson...gawd that was lame!"

"No kidding! I'd better get back to my tribe to put an end to it," replied the queen.

"And how will you do that, with all the pointless forcefields blocking everything?" asked Fox.

"I also happen to be the gatekeeper of my tribe," replied the queen.

Fox smacked his forehead and said, "Should've guessed. Think you can open that portal for me?"

"Certainly! Meet me there!" replied the queen, sneezing out a ball of sparkles that summoned an upside down cyclone in the sky that she flew into.

Tricky finally pulled his head out of the sand with a loud pop and asked, "Do we gotta go to where SHE lives? D:"

"Yes, you can stay!" replied Fox, running back to the Hollow, leaving Tricky behind.

He exited the stone maze of tentacle rape, ran back into the Hollow, climbed into his Arwing, and flew away before Tricky could catch up with him.

"Fox!" radioed Peppy, "The Cloudrunner Fortress would make an ideal base for Scales to rule the planet from. It's also seated on soil that is rich in diamonds in gold. With that kind of wealth, Scales would become unstoppable!"

"Let's stay on track, Pep," replied Fox, "If we don't get the stones back, Scales won't have a planet to rule, anyway."

"But he'll be unstoppable! Why, he could even block bullets with that much money! D:" whined the aging hare.

"Peppy, Andross owned half a galaxy's worth of money, and that didn't do him much good...tho, the way that crazy monkey went on, you'd think he knew how to come back from the dead, or something," chuckled Fox.

"But that's never gonna happen."

With that, he took off in the direction of the Cloudrunner Fortress.

(One Debris Field Later...)

One smoldering, wingless arwing crashed on a landing pad just outside the fortress. The cockpit opened, releasing more smoke, and Fox fell out, coughing and hacking.

Upon a branch, nearby, sat the Cloudrunner Queen.

"This is Cloudrunner Fortress!" she announced.

"No, really? I thought it was Candyland," coughed Fox, sarcastically.

"I'll fly ahead to see if it's safe!" continued the queen as she flew toward said fortress- blatantly ignoring the horde of Sharpclaw charging out the front door to "greet" Fox.

Staggering to his feet, Fox shook off the dizziness and leveled his magnum at the oncoming Barney rejects and fired until he was empty, only to stare in shock when he realized every one of his bullets had stopped in front of the lead dno and clattered to the stone floor.

"Right, forgot about their "cheat clubs,"" said Fox icily.

"It's Ripping Time!" bellowed the scalies, raising their war clubs in the air, then resumed stampeding toward their furry target.

"Maybe there is something to that club technique," pondered Fox as he pulled out his staff.

He pressed the release, making the staff unfold with a metallic _zhing_, then pointed it at the oncoming horde. They rapidly closed the distance between Fox and themselves, then lunged forward, letting their weight carry them as they flew at the orange lylation, the smell of victory in the morning filling their nostrils...

(**THONK**)

The lead sharpclaw slammed into an invisible wall in front of Fox, who now held his staff in front of himself like a shield. The other sharpclaw smashed into the one in front of them until their unconscious forms piled up.

"Whaddya know? It does work!" beamed Fox. He then hopped around the swamp below to open the fortress door (WTF, Nintendo?), then ran inside to see the Cloudrunner Queen getting beaten to a pulp by roughly two dozen sharpclaw.

"Don't you EVER talk about my DICK without my PERMISSION!" roared General Scales, waving his sword at her, menacingly.

"I'll kick you in the BALLS!" shouted back the queen.

"I'd like to see you try to walk a mile in MY SHIT!" replied Scales.

"You'll have to take it up with the fox," said the queen, smugly.

"Fuck him! He's an ass!" growled Scales, turning away from her so he could look intimidating for the camera.

"He'll find you...and destroy you!" warned the queen.

Hearing this, Scales turned back to the queen and said, "I don't give a dead moose's last shit! I'm not afraid of him, and if he's listening: Fuck you, McCloud! Fuck you and your PUSSY WHIPPED FRIENDS!"

Fox decided to oblige him and strolled into the courtyard like he owned the place.

"Shove it, Scales! I freed half a galaxy from a tyrant much bigger than you, and with way more men at his command. You won't be much of a challenge!" said the Vulpine, crossing his arms.

"I'll throw my shoe at your faggot ass!" shouted Scales, chucking a stinky old sneaker at Fox, who deflected it with his staff.

"You'll never beat me! I got a CHEAT STICK! :D" he grinned, aiming his staff at Scales, threateningly.

Then several floating robots with Troll Faces painted on them swooped down from out of nowhere and zapped Fox with lightning bolts, making him black out.

As the guards dragged McCloud and the queen away, Scales ordered his troops to "hold the fort" while he went on break, telling them, "I'm gonna take a piss! And when I come back, I'm gonna talk about the Mighty Duck movies," and then left.

(later...)

Fox awoke with a start to find himself in a jail cell.

"What the fuck?! I held my staff up in front of me, so how were they still able to hit me?" he roared.

"That is indeed a mystery," said an old man in the next cell, "one you must seek the answer to-"

"Just tell me why I got screwed if you already know!" interrupted Fox.

"Kay, fine. It happened during a cutscene. Game Protagonists always do stupid things in cutscenes that they'd never do during gameplay," replied the old man, "That, and those floating bots were given the ability to hack the game, so "cheat sticks" have no effect on them."

Throughout the dungeon, was heard: "FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

(later-later)

"If I could just figure out how to break out of here..." said Fox, leaning against his cell wall, then promptly fell back as the "wall" slid back, leaving a hole in its place as the cement block slid out and squashed the old man in the adjacent cell.

"Alright! Two birds with one block!" laughed Fox.

(Insert Metal Gear Stealth Music)

He rolled out of the cell and hugged the walls as he slid along them silently...then rounded the corner and saw a room lined with cages, and his staff and gun at the opposite end, right next to a sleeping guard.

"Come to daddy!" whispered Fox as he tip-toed very cartoonishly across the large room, his arms extended in front of himself as he reached for his weapons.

The guard's eye shot open with the sound of glass breaking.

Knowing he'd been caught, Fox grabbed the first thing on the table he could think of: a flyswatter. Quickly pulling it back, he slapped the guard with it at breakneck speed, making him spin around, then fall down...right on a big red button labeled "Alarm."

(laterlaterlater)

Fox woke up in his cell and noticed the loose block was back in its place.

"Oh that's just peachy! I'll bet they sealed off my escape route, too," he said as he pushed against the block to test it.

But to his surprise, it was still loose.

Fox looked up and said to himself, "I have never made but one prayer: Lord, make my enemies ridiculous...and he did."

The vulpine left his cell and re-entered the guard room, but decided to forego his staff, knowing that something stupid would probably happen if he tried grabbing it again. Continuing onward, he heard his com beeping, and answered it.

"F**, are yo* **er*? P***se r**p**d!"

Too much static.

Fox looked into a room with a wind generator and saw a fuel barrel sitting there for no reason. He looked up at the stone ceiling and got an idea; Hopping down into the room, the furry merc grabbed the fuel barrel, set it over the wind generator, and placed himself on the nearby switch, making the wind blow the barrel high enough to knock a hole in the ceiling, once it detonated.

McCloud made another attempt to contact Slippy, and said, "I'm still here, guys, but I was incapacitated and put in a jail cell till I woke up and got out. You guys have anything you could send to help me out?"

"I got something you could use, now that I've finished downloading it off the internet: a sharpclaw disguise!" announced Slippy.

Fox waited for it to transfer to his wrist mounted Pip-Boy, then selected it and watched his orange furry arm change into a yellow scaley one.

"Awesome! Unlike most of the things you give me, this is actually useful," thanked Fox, examining his new self.

"You're welcome, :P" said Slippy, sarcastically, "though I think you should know that the disguise doesn't work too well in close proximity to real sharpclaw...it just might **_completely fall off_ **if you touch someone while wearing it."

"I take it back, this is a piece of crap!" snapped Fox.

He ran back into the cage room with his disguise active, and the guard snapped awake, sensing a presence in front of him and believing it to be the fox trying to escape again, but it turned out to be a rather puny looking sharpclaw.

"Heh, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were that fox in disguise," cackled the scaley guard.

"I'm new. They ordered me to come take your place," saluted the smallclaw.

"Right. Well take this here staff and make sure no one gets past ya," replied the sharpclaw, handing Fox the staff.

The disguised vulpine made sure not to touch the sharpclaw's hand as he grabbed one end of the folded staff, then flipped it around in his hand so that his fingers were wrapped around the staff's release button.

Then a tickling sensation entered Fox's nose, and the furry merc tried to hold it back, but the stench of an unwashed sharpclaw was making it worse.

"Ah...ick...eh..." he cringed.

"What's _your_ problem?" demanded the guard.

"AH-SHOO!" exploded Fox, reflexively pressing the staff's release, making it unfold so fast that it impaled the guard, while at the same time, the force of the sneeze deactivated the merc's disguise, changing him back into a vulpine.

"Day-um! That was some sneeze! O_O;" sweat dropped a dino named Gradabug sitting in a cage at the back of the room.

If a powerful enough sneeze could change that small sharpclaw into a fox, he didn't want to know what his farts could do.

**Yup, this parody is still going strong. I recently bought Adventures at Disc Replay, so the updates should be a bit more frequent. I decided to update this weekend, because my much delayed 23rd birthday is FINALLY being celebrated tomorrow. ^_^**


End file.
